How was your day?
I just realized something, a secret that life has kept hidden from me: people actually enjoy talking about their day. Not only that, they get excited when someone else asks them about their day.
For years I thought that question was a just a conversation starter — something you ask just out of cordiality. I didn’t want to bother the other person with the task of having to answer it. If they did, I thought of it as them being friendly.
To really answer that question, to talk about their feelings, vent about a bad day, or simply share an achievement or interesting event that had happened earlier. A social norm, I thought, no need to question it further.
And I felt that way, because I’ve always hated sharing my day. Whether it’s the best or worst day of my life, I don’t have that thing in me that makes me want to share it with others. There is no anticipation, no oh boy, I can’t wait to tell so-and-so about this. I dread it actually, the idea of having to go through it, to go into detail. It has always felt like a task. Maybe because of my job, the nature of the answer itself feels like giving a status update or a report.
When presented with that question, I dismissed it with an it was ok, what about yours?. Regardless of the event, tragedy or milestone.
Two reasons — the main one I explained above. The second one: In those moments, my mind truly can’t bring something to mention, even if there was something. For me there’s no satisfaction in sharing a good day. No burden is lightened in talking about a bad one either. So nothing came to me to talk about.
Outside the mold
I thought everyone felt like that. This is one of many little realizations I’ve had about people, things that in retrospect were quite obvious.
We all make assumptions based on personal experience, knowledge gathered through external sources. That is the goal of life, to discover the world through self-discovery, and vice versa. But things are not that obvious when something is far too stretched from your perspective. Even something as simple as this. Just because I don’t feel anything about sharing mine. I took that for granted for a long time.
The understanding of others comes naturally for some. It helps a lot when you experience the same as others. Same likings, tastes, displeasures. We humans are complex beings, ever-changing and most of the time in the middle of a transfiguration. For all the aspects we have, when one aspect is cast in the same mold as others, the learning curve is non-existent. For others, their facets lie at the far end of the spectrum, and their discovery is a walk that is often walked alone.
I’ve found myself on this side all the time. It grants an outsider perspective, yes, but makes the most obvious things a black-box riddle that might never be fully understood. But you don’t have to understand something to respect it.
Synthesis
I felt dumb having realized that at the time, and I felt less of a human not having these kinds of gratifications.
Since then, I’ve been trying to share more about anything in general. This too was one of the things that pushed me into creating this blog. Not because I feel something in doing so, not yet at least. Maybe that will change if I keep doing it. I know I like writing, and shaping these thoughts feels like I have control over what happens in my head. It has certainly improved my communication. That is enough for me to keep doing it.
Now when I ask someone else about their day, I pay even more attention knowing that they enjoy the action of answering. To celebrate an achievement, or to ease an affliction.
But enough about me. How was your day?